Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Diplomats Behaving Dumbly

There are some second rate, no, tenth-rate minds, employed in Her Majesty's Diplomatic Service. I make this gross generalization because I had the misfortune to mix with some of these philistines and numbskulls from 2003-2012.


The Dip Card

Freeze! UN Spouse! Keep your hands where I can see 'em, on the beer bottle, chester. That's right, moron. My juju is stronger than your JUSMAGTHAI social club membership card. Fuzz wave me on. You win a watermelon cavity search in Bombat nick. So don't mess. I outrank you. I am top of the food chain, you scum sucking, bottom feeding, Chang drinking, kiddie fiddling, sex offender you!  

This here I.D. is my do-what-the-fuck-I-want-get-out-of-jail-free-card. Not a laminate from Khao San Road It's official. Bona fucking fide. Same same no different to the brass balls I got dangling right between my legs.  

Out on the Tiles

When a man about town becomes a male trailing spouse, he ceases to be about town forevermore. In my case, the town was London and the post was Bangkok, a city with a well worn rep for human intrigue and self gratification.


Sunday, July 14, 2013

The Male Trailing Spouse and his แม่บ้าน

Clean-ing, iron-ing, cook-ing. No, not three cities in China -- just three things that a mae baan does well.  A mae baan is a maid, a Thai maid, quite literally a "mother of the house". And for 8 years, 10 months, 3 weeks and 6 days in Bangkok, Thailand, I had a mae baan (and a bloody good one at that).

Friday, July 12, 2013

Diplomats Behaving Badly

Foreigners are used to Brits behaving badly overseas.  We parade our nationality, and regional identity, in gaudy football shirts; get loud when drunk, cause scenes and pick fights with total strangers. Our name is Legion and we are many -- lager louts, football hooligans, the barmy army and feral youth That's us Brits in the corner, a bunch of turds who shouldn't be flushed out the country! 

Diplomatic Impunity